What is the what
The end of my second week as a woman of no means. And that's just disingenuous, because I have many means, just no steady income any more. But I do have a very nice (in my very humble world) little bit of padding coming down the pike, shortly, more than I'm accustomed to in my by-the-seat-of-you's usual mode of travel. My first week was a heat wave and a back that went out after sort of telegraphing it's intentions to me the previous week. I lay outside on my dolled up chaise lounge, with the chickens more often than not gathered round, preening and sometimes (okay, only Butters) napping. They all now hit the hay at 8. They've had it. Fed up with sunny freedom, thank you very fucking much. So, a couple of weeks, assessing and then I just decided a few days in, fuck it, it's summer. Try to have some fucking fun. What a brilliant opportunity, there for the figuring-out-of and me, all here and ready to do so. But today sort of steered me away from just idyllic hedonism to something a little starker:
Lulu's tumor. I notice it walking her. Some pinkness, I go in for a closer look: her vulva is swollen. The next day I called the vet and the soonest was Saturday, four days away. Lulu isn't favoring it but it's clearly all wrong. At the vet they take a biopsy and she bleeds and won't stop and they finally glue her up, and we set a surgery date (now, with the severance, I'll have some money and it's text book My Life (that usual cancelling out of extra money + new crisis.) And I'm okay with it. I'm going to be around for her, I don't have some stupid worthless piece of shit job to go to and pretend to do crap, and pretend to give a shit about it, while she's here home bleeding alone, so I feel in a strange state of grace. Today, I purchased my first (oh, but probably not the last, old woman) pack of adult diapers and have spent the day making Lulu suffer through variable successes at making them stay on and to keep her from getting blood everywhere and from licking herself dry. More vet consultation and biopsy results and we'll see how she's doing. It's okay to go, Kid, and your time at this address wasn't that crappy, was it? I think, as usual, I have underestimated the size of the vacancy to come. But there is still the summer ahead of us and our problems are few. I hope I see it through with Lulu, with her sewn up lady bits. We'd have that in common.